Sunday, November 24, 2013

I Need A Rest

This week I'm studying pain medicine in pharmacology. I guess I haven't gotten to section of my book that cures the kind of pain I've experienced. The above quote is from my textbook. It is in the section called "severe pain" and refers to physical pain. But it might as well be in the section of the book about psychological issues. 

I am tired of hurting. I am tired of feeling like I can't catch a break. And the longer I hurt, the more aware I am of my pain. I can't ignore it and honestly I'm tired of dealing with my emotional hurts. I need a rest. 

Often over the past couple of years I've found myself screaming out to the Lord, "Where is my relief, my rest? When do I get a break from hurting?". I spent a long time in prayer yesterday praying for myself and for a close friend going through a particularly rough time. A lot of my prayer just asked for a glimpse of the light in the midst of what seems to be such a mess. 

So when I saw that quote in my book I had to share it. It is the words that I've wanted to say but couldn't write myself. Funny how a pharmacology text book can bring out so much emotion in me. 

Thursday, November 21, 2013

The Same Yesterday and Today and Forever

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

Growing up in a Christian environment it has been ingrained in me that God is unchanging.  God is always there and always the same.  His love is unchanging. 

But what does this really mean for me? How does this relate to my day to day life and struggles?

Lately I've been in somewhat of a valley with my faith.  Last spring I was on a peak and shouting from the rooftops the joy of the Lord.  Today I find myself questioning everything, often wondering what is the point.  Where is all this faith stuff going?  Scary thoughts, huh?

A friend sent me a link to this post over on A Deeper Story that really got me thinking about the fluctuations of my faith. Thanks, Addie Zierman for this quote that basically sums up my current state of mind.
"God is unchanging, steady, forever. But faith ebbs and flows. It shatters and is reassembled. You are on fire for God and then the fire burns out and you are left angry and ashen and cold. It’s a road. It’s a journey. It’s a pit. It’s a paradise."
In a world where one day everything is roses and the next there is nothing but darkness, thank goodness we can count on a God that never changes.  People are fickle. The boy you like all of a sudden quits calling, your best friend sends you a mean text message, your mom misunderstands your feelings about family holidays...and on and on.  It's hard for me to trust people.  I've been burned by relationships with people a few too many times to fully trust anyone at this point in my life.  Almost to the point that I question my trust in God.  But thankfully we have the promise that God never changes.  He loves me today and tomorrow.  He works all things for the greater good forever and always.  Thank you, Lord, that I can count on that.  And while my thoughts on God may ebb and flow, His thoughts and intentions for me will never change.