It is no secret that I have made a lot of mistakes on my journey. I made some very big mistakes and ultimately ended up divorced. I haven't always been proud of the way I conducted myself but I will say that I can hold my head up high today because of my actions this past year. When JG left I faced a lot of tough decisions. Should I grant him the divorce? How can I continue to trust in God when he is allowing this to happen to me? How should I treat JG, his family and friends? What do I need to do to make things right between us? How can I live with myself once this is all over?
If you have read my blog before you know that I took a particularly long time to grant the divorce. You also know that I fought the divorce despite even my own parents telling me to sign the papers. I knew I had to live with my decision about my marriage for the rest of my life. I knew that I had to make a decision based off of me and not what anyone else thought. Yes, I do think at the time it caused some unnecessary pain in prolonging the inevitable. No, I do not regret that. I stood up for what I truly believe down to my very core. I believe that marriage is set apart by God in such a sacred way that it should never be broken. I feel that Christians give up much too easily on marriage. Divorce should never be an option in a Christian marriage. As Christians we should live our lives differently....even when we make mistakes. We are a body of Christ that should be able to come clean to the Lord and each other. We can own our sins and still show our love of Christ through the way we handle our mistakes. As Christians it is so important that we be able to stand together and share together even when mistakes are made. That is exactly what the very special girl I mentioned earlier has done. And that is what I hope I have somehow been able to show through the way I handled my divorce.
Since JG left I have started seeking the Lord harder than I can ever remember. I live every day with the intention of furthering His Kingdom. While I am a sinner and I committed huge grievances against my ex-husband, I have found a way to look at my self in the mirror and be proud. I found that through Christ. When I see my ex-inlaws I can look them in the eye because I know I have conducted myself in a way that is honorable. When I think of my ex-husband I feel compassion because of the strength I find in the Lord. If nothing else comes from my story, I hope that someone else will see the strength the Lord has given me and be able to conduct themselves in "a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ."* That strength is what my very special friend has inspired me to strive for everyday. No matter what your story or what your past what really matters is who you are and what you do with your story.
*"Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel." Philippians 1:27