Last night I started to think about John George (real name) and what I would consider his "freckles". What is that one intimate detail of JG that only I would know about or have paid enough attention to remember? I found myself stumped. I can't remember any distinguishing moles or scars. Nothing that only I would know. And now this may be tmi but all I could think about is this tiny benign cyst JG has that likely no one besides the two of us knows about and that he has bad acne on his bum. Isn't that awful? I'm trying to think of some sort of nostalgic detail to remember JG by and all I can think of are cysts and crusty pustules. (I couldn't resist using a little of my new nursing terminology!) And then I start just trying to remember his face and that too seems very distant in my memory. I know it is a good thing to feel distance between myself and JG and all of my memories of him but I'm reluctant to be distant. Distance means that this part of me truly is coming to an end. Everyday I feel less and less the stigma of being divorced and more and more just me. But still it's hard to no longer feel like a wife. It's hard to let that feeling go. I might not have been that great at being a wife but I truly did love being a wife. I'm trying to embrace being just me. Not a wife. Not a part of another person.
So on this lazy Saturday night I propose a toast. A toast to memories fading and being replaced by new times. And here's to embracing independence and the life that God so graciously has given us.
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:18
I love your blog, MK. Every post is so vulnerable and so transparent and it's so neat to see someone lay their heart out there like that. Honestly, I read a lot of blogs like that, but I know VERY few people (if any) in real life who are this way. In fact, I know the way I blog makes some of my friends kind of uncomfortable. All that to say, that's for sharing all this. {Clicks glass}
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