I'm at the point in life where the wedding season for most of my friends has passed and we are entering what I call baby season. I knew of three other couples who got married the same day as me. All of which are either pregnant now or have had their first child. It hurts. The "plan" was to be married three years before we had a baby. That means a pregnancy would have been something we would be trying for now. In some strange way my mind is still set on that time frame. I can't help but be disappointed watching others have babies on my time frame.
I'm thrilled for my friends that are having babies. I really am. And in a lot of ways glad I'm not quite (or really far away from) there. It's a strange feeling of not really thinking I should be allowed to feel sadness about not being pregnant. Yet it makes perfect sense to mourn the loss of another aspect of my former life.
I think you have to mourn the fact that life turned out differently and plans and goals didn't occur on your timeline. As I turn 30, I mourned the fact that I don't have a kid yet -- because my plan was always to have atleast one kid by 30. When I got married, I mourned that it didn't happen a but earlier. Not that this life (later marriage, later babies)can't be just as blessed, it's just different... and to accept a different plan and blessings means first mourning what plan didn't work out.
ReplyDeleteThe weird part is I mourn not having kids by now and yet, I am not ready for kids....had I gotten married earlier, I would be, but I like it just being Dave and me for now.
Just had Ben at age 35 after six years of trying. God is always putting on his paths, not ours, part of the excitement! Also, I think God challenges those of us who strive above and beyond the norm...
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