“I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry.”
It is spring of 2013 and I am surrounded by my best friends
in a van on the way to the beach.
We are laughing and talking.
I am “having fun”. I am laughing
along with my friends and even contributing to the conversation. Yet I want to burst into tears. Ugly sad tears from pain.
I scroll through my phone to the app for notes. I type, “I will not cry. I will not
cry. I will not cry.” I squeeze my eyes shut tight to stop the tears from
coming out. I rejoin the
conversation. Less than a minute
has passed but it feels like an eternity.
This is what it is like all the time living with
depression. Sometimes it feels
like work just to breath.
Where'd my comment go? Sorry if it shoes up twice. But I'm so glad we've gotten to be better friends. I'm so scared sometimes that nobody else knows that feeling- being sorrounded by people who love you and laughter and still feeling like you're about to come apart. And if you're like me, it was probably compounded by being in an enclosed space, on a trip, ect. I love that you typed it in your phone- that's so something I would do.
ReplyDeleteshows*
ReplyDelete